24 August 2010

I want the real you - not this superficial being you pretend to be

I don't think you know how much I care for you.

Let me tell you what I think of you. I've never told you how, every morning, when I see your name written down – some place I never thought I'd see it, or someplace where I look everyday, hoping to see it there – it makes my heart thud and my blood pound within my flesh. I've never told you how beautiful you look in the light of the sun, or the moon, or any time that light has ever touched your face. I've never told you the way you make me more human, more alive, more real, than this weak, pitiful, pathetic person that I fear myself to be in my darkest moments. You make words come to me; you grant me rhythm and sounds and melody, dreams and thoughts and an imagination that runs wild within your presence, vivid in your viscinity. I've never told you just how much I believe you mean to me, just how much I would mind if you were hurt or injured or bruised and bleeding bloody within your soul. Every day I wake up thinking about you, wondering where you are and what you're doing, and every day I go to sleep dreaming about you, wondering if you think the same of me.

So why do you hide?
What is it about me that draws you away, that keeps you distant, hesitant and distrustful? When I talk to you, why do you cease to be as alive as I know you are, as free and unwavering as you have always been? What is it that makes you tread cautiously around me, wind carefully around me, though you never act that way around anyone else I have ever known? What demon keeps your soul chained, what monster your spirit leashed? Tell me, because I want to know.

You will never be mine. I know this, I think, and I have always known it. You and I are too fundamentally apart, too essentially dissimilar to ever really be halves of a whole; we are polar opposites, you and I, ice cold and yet red hot  with each other, entities that fate has chosen to keep together, as joke and petty amusement, and for no greater purpose than whim. And yet I know that all I really want – all I shall ever really crave, all I shall ever really desire – is the person that you are, never mind if it loves me or not. Tell me the reason you will open your eyes every day to greet the sun; the small things that grab your heart and whisk it gently into the night. Tell me what you love most of all, what you loathe and detest above everything you see. Your heart is a gentle one, your mind a beautiful thing – tell me what makes them so, what artist and god chose to glorify himself in making you what you are. Tell me a hundred things, a dozen things, a million things and a billion things, because I shall never tire of your voice and that laughter you possess.

If you cannot give me the key to your soul, then open the door. Just once. Just one more time. Because I promise I shall make you feel like the goddess you truly are, like the nymph that haunts the fields of Eden, the gardens of Olympus; because I promise that one day I shall make you want to share every tear you shed with me, every haphazard kiss and broken heart with me. Let me be the friend who knows you for what you are, who can read every piece and every detail of your loving form. Let me be your diary, if you are Anne Frank; let me be your mirror, if you are Narcissus, your confidant, your trustee. Do not care if you burden me with your sorrows, your hurts, or weigh me down with your tiny delights, your small pleasures; I love them all, and I shall not part with them for all the world. Do not tell me things you could so easily tell another, things that matter too little to ever be of any worth; they are not you, they will never be you, and you are all that matter to me.


  1. for ethan's dad, it was dark for me (the text), but i just highlighted it and the words turn to white font so i could read it...

    but yes, in another way, content-wise, it's dark... so i wonder... what jen said...

  2. That was so amazing..
    These things I read on here sometimes..makes me wish someone would be writing them to me....like that one!!! Awesome!!!

  3. Phew
    gave me goosebumps
    I love reading such compellingly raw straightfromtheheart material

  4. Hey all.. I came across this and read it through three times.. and sat and thought quite a bit before posting it.
    I wanted to post it all, but its very long and wasn't sure anyone would want to read it. Instead I tried adding the link to the full/origional text at the bottom of the page, but I have been having trouble doing that also .. grrr. Will keep trying. ( was also looking for a nice black and white pic to add and got lost in all the visuals through google pics..wow.. there were some amazing black and white pics to choose from)

    Its really worth the read.. as I said Ive read it a few times now. I love the way its written and Im sure all of us have felt all these thoughts and emotions at one point or other ..

    Cant take the credit for this.... very inarticulate when it comes to self expression through text and verbally when it comes to matters of the heart, to be honest.

    Glad you all enjoyed it and hope that you do read the whole piece.

  5. http://everything2.com/title/I+want+the+real+you+-+not+this+superficial+being+you+pretend+to+be

    Best I can do.. if your are interested.. just copy and paste into your Browser Address "thingy"

    let me know what you think .. and which points you like the most if you do.

  6. Confused?.. Its something I stumbled on by chance online, I found how it was written and its content really got me thinking. As I have said I didnt write this.

  7. Amsterdam still mourns the Chestnut tree... probably inspiring many to open their hearts xo

  8. I dont quite understand your reply ..

    I googled and am more enlightend as to what a chestnut tree and Amsterdam have in comment.. Anne Frank.. But care to elaborate a tadd?

  9. I heard Anne Franks Chestnut tree died at the hands of lightning this past week or so... it made the news in Canada. The tree where she wrote her journal at a young age before getting deported in the mid 40's...

    Thinking the 170 year old tree inspired some.

  10. Unless you were referring, symbolically, to blogs being less than honest? lol

  11. <- was at anne frank's 'secret/hidden' home eons ago... can feel it vividly, being in the small quarters where she and her family stayed... but yeah, that's another story... cuz this blog's not about angie frank... honestly... (mimers frank? frankly mimers?)....

    but speaking of tree, frankly, it's time for keerah to find one and pee...

    zoom squirt zoom...

  12. August, 23rd 2010
    The monumental chestnut tree that cheered Anne Frank while she was in hiding from the Nazis was toppled by wind and heavy rain on Monday.
    A global campaign to save the chestnut, widely known as The Anne Frank Tree, was launched in 2007 after city officials deemed it a safety hazard and ordered it felled. The tree was granted a last-minute reprieve after a battle in court.
    Two years ago city workmen encased the trunk in a steel support system to prevent it from falling, but that failed under windy weather Monday.

    Many clones of the tree have been taken, including 11 planted at sites around the United States and dozens more around Europe, including 150 at a single park in Amsterdam. It is not clear whether a new tree will replace the original one on the same spot, since it grew in the backyard of a private home.
    The tree's owner has not yet made it known what he will do with the wood and bark, Mostart said. The tree is estimated to weigh 60,000 pounds (27 metric tons).
    The Jewish teenager made several references to the tree in the diary that she kept during the 25 months she remained indoors until her family was arrested in August 1944.
    "Nearly every morning I go to the attic to blow the stuffy air out of my lungs," she wrote on Feb. 23, 1944. "From my favorite spot on the floor I look up at the blue sky and the bare chestnut tree, on whose branches little raindrops shine, appearing like silver, and at the seagulls and other birds as they glide on the wind."
    She also wrote: "As long as this exists, ... and I may live to see it, this sunshine, the cloudless skies - while this lasts I cannot be unhappy."

    Thanks Michele.. Id never have known about this other wise

  13. Interesting bit about the tree
    thnx for the info nudge, mimi

  14. What a wonderful find....and right from someone's soul it seems..wanting that one person who is everything to you but they do not feel the same at all...in fact the writer noticing that the other actually pulls away and hides the way they really are when around them...what a longing and yearning piece....

  15. absolutely Cass.

    that piece of writing was very powerful, for me. I dont normally look for things like that, and I wasnt looking for it, I just stumbled over it.. and read it through many times. I hope you read the whole thing, cause there were parts I didnt include up above, but were extremely moving.

    Im going to go back and read some more of his writing when I have a chance.

    Nice to hear from you too Cass, I've not heard from you for a while.

  16. Angie--

    The first thing I thought, upon first starting to read this piece, was someone speaking not to a friend or love unrequited, but to themselves.


  17. No, I cant say that I share your view Manfred. It's interesting that you thought that.

    Did you like the style of writing? I know you are able to convey your thoughts exceptionally well in the written form, something I would love to be able to do. I would have to learn to spell first lol .

    nice to see you here, too, by the way. What has your week brought?

  18. Goodness..indepth thoughts and words..whether they are the writer speaking to self or to another..obviously had a need to pour out the heart onto the page. thanks for posting :)

  19. Yes, Angie, as the title suggests, far too much of what we say to one another is on a wholly superficial level. I have often gotten comments on my past blogs extolling the fact that I write in an open revelatory manner, which seems to surprise people that anyone would even write in such a fashion.
    Great choice for a post!


  20. Just wondering if anyone managed to get the writers link and read any more of his writing?? If so, let me know what you thought please. There was one there that I was really impressed with Cass, Rogs did you get a chance to click on over to read?